Breathe Me

Almost a year!

2010-03-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well, It has been quite a long time since I've last updated my blog. It's just that so much has happened that I have not had the time nor the energy to write! In true Alex style though, I have come to write a blog entry instead of writing a paper for school. I believe this is what happens whenever I have a big paper for school. Instead of spending time on my word document I mosey on over to blogger.

It is a U.S. History paper and I am loathing this writing process. Sure it is not a difficult paper, it only needs to be 3-4 pages (I'm sure one day I could only DREAM of a 3-4 page paper!). It's just a matter of getting 3-4 pages of words out of my brain and onto the computer keyboard. I have to write a book review and I picked a pretty good book, if I do say so myself. It is called House of Abraham Lincoln & The Todds, A Family Divided By War. The book is by Stephen Berry, who happens to be a history professor at UGA.

I've always known about good old Abe Lincoln, but never gave a thought about his wife and her family. All I have to say is....that poor man. This family was so incredibly dysfunctional. And I don't mean dysfunctional like I did when I told my brother that about our family in 4Th grade (sorry Mom!). This family has a huge split down the middle. Some were for the confederacy and some were for the union (hello..Lincoln!), and when your brother-in-law is the president whom the south hates, let's just say that is a major boo boo. And dear lord Lincoln's wife was a crazy woman! I did relate to her on one level though - she loved to shop! And shop she did when things got better. Stephen Berry says she had a decade to make up for! I would say that is a serious shopping spree.

I also found this pretty great map. It's only great because I did not even think of the expansion until I saw it and realized that the union and confederacy was much more than just the fist 13 colonies (sorry Dad - I'm just not a history buff!).

Anyways, I just keep trying to motivate myself to write this paper by thinking that when I am done with this class i am one step closer to getting into all my psychology courses. However, it also reminds me that I have a bazillion history classes left to take. I wish I could have the determination of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde.

I suppose I should be off to get this paper done! I also have to give a 3-5 minute presentation on the book, so index cards need to be done! But first I should finish my book...(whoops!)

It's time...

2009-05-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

I've realized lately how naive I am to the world around me. Well i guess I've known it for some time now, but it is beginning to annoy me. I wonder if I had taken another path in life how long it would have taken me to realize this. I've come to value the education that I have been blessed with and look forward to continuing it.

I love the thought of finishing my psychology degree. I want the knowledge. Psychology is always something that has interested me. That is partly the reason I chose Psychology as my major, the other part is because I believe it ties into acting. I definitely want to finish school and get my degree, it is just a matter of when that happens. I want to be a professional actor and make a living do it. I want to make respectable art and I fully believe that I can do it.

I went off on a little tangent there, but now I am back. :)

So the point to this blog is not my passion for acting (this time). It is about my desire for knowlege. I have had the honor of being surrounded by intelligent women this past year and I long for that intelligence. I often find myself in situations in which I can't carry on the conversation or cannot make sense of what people are saying. I hate having to wonder what people are talking about. Especially this past year during the election. I actually think that was when all my desire to know started. So I did a lot of reading and talking to people and I made a decision and I stick to it today. I feel so proud of myself and I want to have those opportunites more often.

So I made a list of books I want to read and I am really excited to expand my knowledge. Hopefully soon I will have a big vocabulary and i won't have to use a word like big in this sentence. We'll see, only time will tell!

Acting

2009-01-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

I'm just going to delve right into this....

I LOVE watching the extra features on a movie. The bloopers. the making of, the commentaries...ect. I think from my point of view it's like taking an acting class. Each special feature has something for me to learn from. The bloopers show me how to fix a mistake and improvise - even if the improvisations are crap they can get you somewhere you didn't think of before. And hearing the actors say things about each other you realize that there is this brilliance that an actor has and it is so inspiring. And then you think "oh this actor added this humanity to this terrible character", that is something to keep in mind.

I have this longing to work with all these different people. Some of them from my perspective are just amazing and some are just so so - but I feel like everyone has something special to offer and you can learn that and take it with you. That is another reason I love acting - it's such a learning experience in itself. It's like - the people you meet are just so amazing. I never forget the people I've worked with because of that little something they brought out.

And it's so wonderful - the feeling that acting gives you. For how ever long it's OK to be someone else. And it's not necessarily that you want to be someone else, but it's that you can take things from your character too. Just everything about acting is such a learning experience for me. I have learned things from characters I've played; who I am, who I want to be, and who I don't want to be. And isn't it amazing how you can just become someone else? And make people believe that you ARE that person. I LOVE watching an actor on stage who has forgotten a line or something has happened that is not right and they just role with it. And NEVER break character. They just know what that character would say or do.

There is just so much passion is this art and it blows me away every time I think about it.

Happy Early Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T18:36:00.000-08:00

Ahh this thanksgiving is going to be fun! I am cooking a turkey breasts for my mom and I. Landyn is with Luke for thanksgiving. I kind of feel like it's the weekend - having him not be here for 3 days. But I have a project to work on and yummy food to cook.

I realized something a few minutes ago. I'm pretty sure that thanksgiving day is my favorite holiday. Not only do we get to sit down and eat a humongous meal - which I happen to be pretty good at (especially the turkey and gravy) - but we also recognize what we're thankful for. I've never really cared before, but with my new found appreciation for life it seems to be an amazing holiday. How great is it that we have a holiday where everyone can put everything to the side and look at everything they have. What a beautiful day!

Have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Fun Thanksgiving Activity - The Thankful Tree

2008-11-23T11:47:00.001-08:00

Found this at the Rachael Ray website. It looks cute!

Fun Thanksgiving Activity - The Thankful Tree

Posted using ShareThis

So I saw Twilight the other day :0!! I am so happy that it was good. It definitely could have used an extra 30 minutes since it was only 2 hours, but I understand that they did their best. Hopefully the next one will have a little more. I am quite pleased with the movie though. I will definitely be seeing it multiple times.

Vote!

2008-11-04T17:20:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone voted today. I felt so good after I did this morning. Like no matter what happens - I made a difference.

almost twenty-one

2008-09-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

I'm on the verge of turning 21. I can't believe it - I can't believe I'm actually about to be 21. I can buy a bottle of wine, or have a martini when I'm out to eat. I can even get a beer at a ballgame.

I feel free.

teen pregnancy on Tyra

2008-09-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

http://tyrashow.warnerbros.com/2008/09/tomorrows_show_the_teen_pregna.php#comments

I'm watching this now I want to cry

I really want to cry

I can't believe this was me - they are all so naive...that was me. I can't believe the things they are saying and then I remember - oh my god I said that exact thing. We need more education..more information in sex ed. It needs to be a course taken every year with more in depth topics as students get older. These girls think everything is going to be ok and it will...but it won't be ok like they are thinking it will. It will be a different kind of ok.

I ache for these girls. I want to give them hugs. I want this to stop. I want young people to stop thinking that it's ok to have sex when you're 12. I want people to stop thinking that they have to have sex to fit in or just because everyone else does it so whats the big deal? I remember people saying they respected me for being a virgin. Being a virgin is something to be proud of.

I want parents to educate their children. I don't want parents to tell their children to not have sex. I want their parents to tell them the truth and the risks. I want them to tell them about protection. I want children to be able to understand their bodies and what goes on in them. So parents need to tell them. And the parents need to make it clear that whenever a problem arises about their bodies or sex that it's ok to talk to them. That their children won't get in trouble.

Some of the comments left on the website were sickening to me. Someone said something about how the show didn't show how good it could be. Excuse my language but what the hell? Why on earth would you say that on a show about the hardships of teen pregnancy. Yea it can be good because you have someone you love unconditionally and it's so powerful but don't sugarcoat it. It's hard and it's exhausting, and you will NEVER have the kind of life you should have. Tell that to the teens who think it's OK. And one girls talked about how she's worked so hard and got a job and all this and said "not all young moms are ruining their lives" thanks for stating the obvious but that doesn't make it a good thing to do. She's not talking to girls that have kids...shes talking to ones who are doing it who are risking it.

This breaks my heart.

I should be writing a paper...

2008-09-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

But instead I decided to blog...eh what can you do. I needed to get in the writing mood.

I actually wanted to come on and post this anyways.

I was driving in my car today when i came to a red light. I was stopped behind and car and I immediately noticed their bumper sticker.

This was not the car that I saw but I googled the picture and found numerous outraged bloggers with this picture. So I borrowed it.

Back to my topic. I am so disturbed. Who are you to say what marriage equals? And that's not even what bothered me so much. Just the whole gay thing. How can people say it's a choice. I'm not gay but I know a few gay people, who to me are just people like everyone else, and from what I understand it's not. I mean sure if you want to call it a choice - here's the choice..."do I come out and tell everyone how I really feel, or do I hold my feelings inside and live a lie for the rest of my life?" Honestly - who cares if a boy likes a boy? A girl likes a girl? A girl like a guy? A guy likes a girl and guy? In the grand scheme of things does it REALLY matter? Is that what you're REALLY concerned about? In the end God will judge. In the end when everyone is face to face with God (if you believe that sort of thing which I do) he will decide what your destiny is. So why worry about it now? What are YOU going to do about it? If you don't like it look the other way. And you don't have to like it or agree with it. I understand that some people just think it's wrong and that's OK - but don't flaunt it all over the place. That's pretty rude. We're all just people, we all are different people who have dreams, make mistakes, and who have passions - we are all just people. Love is love - boy girl, girl girl, boy boy...L O V E.

Onto something else I found the other day. Sunday Secrets...ahhh you gotta love them :). If you don't know what I am talking about I will inform you. Post Secret started as an art project, I believe, when this man asked people to send in homemade postcards of their secrets...anonymously. There are now 4 books (correct me if I'm wrong), a website - http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ - and numerous fan sites and pages. So every Sunday Frank, who is the genius who started it all, posts "Sunday Secrets". I found one post card that almost moved me to tears - which is not a rarity.

I reads, "You made me someone I'm proud to be stretchmarks and all." That will never leave me heart.

Now that I can barely keep my eyes open I'll try to write my essay....

welllllll...

2008-09-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

Ok Ok...so maybe school is getting a little better. I'm still tired - but I think I can tough it out for this semester. I love ALL of my professors and am really interested in my psychology and anthropology classes. I do have a few papers coming up and I've had quite a few assignments, but I seem to be working through them. Which is quite surprising if you know me.

In more exciting news...Landyn started preschool today! He absolutely loved it! He walked right in with slight hesitation but I was told he did wonderful! He had early release today so Robyn picked him up so that I could go to class. I went to pick him up from Robyn's house and he told me he wanted to stay with Robyn and go back to school. It's so reassuring to know that he loved his class and that he loves being with Robyn. He is learning his teacher's names and said he played with toys and made new friends. He's excited to go back on thursday. I am so proud of him.

I'm so glad that I found true happiness in the past year or so. I'm not sure I would have been ready to make this journey without it.

2008-08-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

I highly respect every parent who has ever gone back to school after having children.

full load

1st week of class is done

I am tired, hungry, and I feel unhealthy

So basically my question is...

HOW THE HECK DO YOU DO IT?!

The glass is half full
The glass is half full
The glass is half FULL.

2008-08-13T19:28:00.001-07:00

I finally truly and completely without a shadow of a doubt know what it means to want to be 2 places at once. Just for one day you know?

Finally an update!

2008-08-07T17:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long. I have been so busy. The show is now over and I can let out a big sigh...*sigh*.

Beauty & The Beast was wonderful! As always I took away so much from that experience. I learned how to dance as a spoon so that's a great life skill to have :). But really I mean every show I do I hope that I become a better actress. I learn so much from the people around me. It is so great to learn something from someone who is older and/or more experienced than me and then it is great to learn from people who are younger and/or less experienced. Everyone has something to give to you. It's wonderful. I have some fantastic memories from the show as well. Or rather the people involved in the show. We had so much fun together and I enjoyed all of our outings. I am so grateful to have been involved in such a truly amazing group of people, now matter what happened between everyone. I am also pretty excited about the productions I will be going to see at various high schools this year! It will keep me busy along with work and school.

Ah - school. Yes, the time has come for my college journey to begin. I don't know if I am ready but I am more ready now than I will ever be. I am actually pretty excited about it too. So I'm going to give it a try and see how it works out. My main focus is acting so I''m going strictly to become a more educated person - not because my goal is to earn a degree. It is not - that is just an added bonus I suppose. I am really excited about psychology though. The more I think about it and acting the more I realize how great they will go together. Once I understand different types of people and illnesses and how the mind works I feel like I will really be able to immerse myself in a character and get to know them so much more. I am looking forward to that.

On to acting...it's been quite a ride these past 5 or 6 months. What with The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and Beauty & The Beast. Each show having a tremendous cast and crew and memories that I will always remember. I thank God just about every night that I got those opportunities. I thank God that a wonderful man named Brian Jones took a risk casting someone he knew absolutely nothing about to be a lead role. I know that without that opportunity I would not be anywhere close to where I am today. Which is a great place. I am feeling so great about my future. About Landyn's future. I think he believe me more than anyone else when I tell him how great it's going to be. I just feel it. He lights up when I tell him about my dreams. He's a bright boy.

Landyn - he just got his cast off on Monday and I think it's safe to say he's a pretty happy camper. He will be starting preschool this year. I am so excited for him. I think he is really going to love it. And I am looking forward to hearing all about it and seeing all his crafts he brings home! I am a little nervous about his orientation. Sitting in a room filled with moms who are older that me. Hoping that they are viewing me as an equal and not as a young mother. That is just where I have to trust people though, and believe myself that i am more than just a young mother. He really amazes me though. He's so funny and smart. He's really something else. I love him so much.

Well I'll end on that note. It is a pretty happy note so why not.

oh one little thing - I am almost done with Breaking Dawn :) :) :) ahhhhh! That's all.

Also - I spell checked this time Mom. Is everything alright? ;)

--------

2008-07-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'm going to make it someday. I'm on my way. :)

"A dream is in the mind of the believer, and in the hands of the doer. You are not given a dream, without being given the power to make it come true." - Anonymous

WOW...

2008-07-18T00:27:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts! It' been crazy over here! We had finaly dress rehearsal tonight which means people can come and watch the show for a fraction of the price...we had a great turnout.

A bunch of us went to see The Dark Knight...

(Insert standing ovation here)

It was one of the best movies I've seen in a LOOOOONG time. Heath Ledger was AMAZING. I understand why everyone has been saying it is his best role. He absolutley NAILED it. It was haunting yet very inspiring. And every time his face came up on that screen my eyes teared up. He was brilliant. What else can I say? Definitly one of those movies for me that made me walk out thinking "this is what I'm going to do, no matter how hard it is or how hard I have to work for it...this is it." I mean the movie in itself was amazing...and you know I love some Christian Bale. It was great. I highly recommend it. And if you go please take me with you :).

So tomorrow for opening night I'm going to get out there and think of Heath Ledger and do him proud...

Parade

2008-07-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July. I had a post typed up and then I navigated away. Go figure. Anyways - New London Theatre marched in the Loganville parade today. It was a so much fun. Very tiring, but fun. Here are some pictures - credit goes to Shane and Ian.

Beauty & The Beast...

2008-07-02T15:19:00.000-07:00

Hey All,

I've been working hard at Beauty and the Beast rehearsals for the past month and a half almost. We have an amazing cast and crew. It doesn't say it on the page but I'll be a silly girl (big stretch - I know!) and a spoon. It's been so much fun! Opening night is just around the corner and I couldn't be more excited! July 18th is the big night. Everyone who can should definitely come out to see it! I'll post the schedule below and I am not double cast so I'll be in every show. It runs for 3 weekends. I know it's going to go by so fast. New London Theatre has been so good to me since I showed up for The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. And I have the pleasure of working with the director of that show, Brian Jones. He is playing Maurice. He's great! And Mr. Buis, our director has been so on point with everything. It's really going to be a great show! Tickets are already on sale at www.newlondontheatre.org. I hope to see you there!

Schedule:
Friday, July 18, 7:00 (show starts at 8:00) - Opening Night
Saturday, July 19, 7:00 ( show starts at 8:00) - Second Show
Sunday, July 20, 1:30 (show starts at 2:30) - Third Show
Friday, July 25, 7:00 (show starts at 8:00) - Fourth Show
Saturday, July 26, 1:30 (show starts at 2:30) - Fifth Show
Saturday, July 26, 7:00 (show starts at 8:00) - Sixth Show
Sunday, July 27, 1:30 (show starts at 2:30) - Seventh Show
Friday, August 1, 7:00 (show starts at 8:00) - Eighth Show
Saturday, August 2, 1:30 (show starts at 2:30 ) - Ninth Show
Saturday, August 2, 7:00 (show starts at 8:00) - Tenth Show
Sunday, August 3, 1:30 (show starts at 2:30) - Final Show

Breakfast in Bed..

2008-07-01T06:40:00.000-07:00

Landyn and I just got done eating Breakfast in Bed while watching Elmo's World. Landyn was so excited when I said, "Landyn, would you like to have breakfast in bed?". So we did and it was nice.

We went to the doctor yesterday to check out his arm again. The X-Rays looked great. Everything seems to be healing wonderfully. Landyn is doing so great with his cast. He doesn't seem to mind it anymore. The other day he pulled out all of the toys from the garage and played with each one not even for a minute. I think he was testing to see how well he could use his left arm. Now he's a pro!

So after the doctor we went to Uncle Roy's steak shop as I like to call it :). It was delicious as always. That's the only place that Landyn will eat a sandwich. We saw Aunt Jeannie there. It's always great to see family.

So all in all everything is going pretty good. Landyn will have his cast on for 5 more weeks. I think he'll be fine. He's such a trooper!

Yet another...

2008-06-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

This one I wrote in September of 2007 and edited after watching Oprah - :) - recently.

***EDIT*** the answer to my question is this - don't fear just do...

Did you ever have a dream that you always knew would come true. You have no idea how you will get there but you just KNOW that you will somehow. It's like this has been your dream your whole entire life. You don't even remember dreaming of anything else. It is not who you are, but it is a HUGE PART of WHO YOU ARE...

How could you even think of being something else - it would rip such a big part of yourself away. Could you even truly be yourself?

So here is a question - what if you get scared that everything you have ever known would happened won't happen. Do you do everything in your power to make it possible or do you move on and secure your life.

I have a hard time thinking that I would move on. Although it is the reasonable answer is it really the best answer? Because how could you be happy knowing that you just didn't give it your all? That you barely tried...but how - how do you try when the dream seems so out of reach?

I guess that is where you have to KNOW that somehow you will get there..take every opportunity and shine. One life..I promise myslef that I will get there...I will

Another one...

2008-06-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

Here is one I wrote in November 2007

I was watching Celine Dion on Oprah and she sang Because You Loved Me and I realized that it's me and Landyn. I love him so much and he has taught me more than teacher or anyone EVER could. He's taught me how to truly love. I am everything i am because he loves me...

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I amBecause you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I need this...and Addicted from my facebook

2008-06-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Seeing as I have 23 notes on my facebook - I figure it is about time to start my own blog. I'm going to post a few of them on here - but this is one that I recently wrote.

from May 29th 2008

Addiction

So I'm in the middle of Beautiful Boy, I have been reading it for quite some time now. It is a great book. Reading from a parents point of view - it scares the living daylights out of me. At points my eyes just tear up thinking about this sweet boy who became a meth addict and knowing that, really - that could happen to my little boy. And if it did happen to him, is there REALLY anything I could do to prevent it? Or will it just happen? Scary stuff man. Terrifying - and I cannot stress that enough. I don't know what words to use to convey to you how much it tears my whole body and soul apart just thinking of the possibility. And I'd still love him with all of my heart. I just pray everyday that Landyn, Luke, and I will never have to deal with drug problems.

Anyways I got to this one page. Chapter 12 David Sheff is looking for his son Nic after he ran away from his halfway house at rehab. He went to a park and approached a police officer and told him that he was looking for his son - who is a meth addict. The policeman leads David to an area where he knows some users hang out. Sheff meets a 19 year old girl, a 19 year old meth addict. He asks if she has seen his son Nic he describes him and she says "That sounds like half the guys I know, you won't find him if he doesn't want to be found." (pg. 143). Sheff asks her if she is hungry and they go to McDonald's together. He starts to ask questions about how she got to where she is now, and she begins to tell him how she was a "sweet kid". She was in the high school band and loved history and french. Apparently somebody gave her meth when she was 14 years old. Then she says something that strikes me in all the wrong places. "Meth...even though i know how f*cked up it is, if I had the chance to start all over I would do it again. I can't live without dope, don't want to. You can't imagine how good it gets when it's good, and I need that in my life." (pg 144). I don't get it, but I guess - how could I. I've never been addicted to anything, thank God. But still people will tell me something and I'm like yea I can understand how you could feel like that, but this...how? When she says she needs that good in her life - there is good all around - why does it have to come from a drug? If you could do it all over again, have a choice before you got addicted to live this homeless, unhealthy lifestyle, or live a physically and mentally healthy lifestyle you would choose drugs? You would choose to slowly kill yourself? Hurt your family? I'm not criticizing her, I just really don't get it. Maybe she just said it because that is what her life was still is maybe at the moment. Maybe if in the long run she sought help and was sober she'd look back and say no this is what I want. My health. I don't know - but it rubs me the wrong way. Just one more thing I don't understand about addicts I guess. Not to say that they would all say that. I want to get it though. I want to understand why they think what they think - what there brains are doing. Why? Why do these things make you react a certain way?

It just scares me - what if that's Landyn in 17 years? What would I do? How could I not become obsessed with where he is, what he's doing?

I don't want to shelter him from things - and I know he won't always be innocent. His child ways will leave and he'll become a man - his own. And I just have to trust that Luke and I have raised him to make responsible decisions.

Thank your parents for everything they have done for you - even if you feel like it's not much. They love you and sometimes it's hard to say but they love you so much. I'm not good with words - I don't know how to make you understand how much. But I can tell you that this love is like nothing you've ever felt before. Tell them you love them and you appreciate them.

But man just reading what this girl has to say - I just had to write something about it.

And go out and read this book it's so good. Next I'm going to read Tweak - which is Nic's story.